Couples Games: How Well Do You Know Each Other?

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Couples games are short games partners play to learn about each other. Guess your partner's answer and reveal it, earning points for curiosity, or take turns through the 36 questions designed to build closeness.

Adults Couples Relationships & connection Couples therapy Games

10–45 minutesIn person and on video

Free interactive tool

Link copied – paste it to your client

In crisis? Call or text 988 (US and Canada). In an emergency, call 911 or your local emergency number. Elsewhere, find a helpline in your country. Violence, threats or fear of a partner: US National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788); elsewhere, your local domestic abuse service.

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Use with care

It can bring painful knowledge gaps to the surface: frame wrong guesses as curiosity, not failure.

Not for active high-conflict relationships, or where there is violence or control and disclosures could be used against a partner. The guess-and-reveal questions are original, not the Gottman Institute's card decks; the 36 questions are reworded from Aron et al. (1997). Some of the 36 questions touch on death, painful memories and family; check they fit before using them with grieving or high-conflict couples, and remind both partners that passing is always OK.

How to play

A card shows a question about one partner.
That partner answers privately. The other guesses their answer.
Both answers show at once. The one who answered says how close the guess was.
The guesser asks one follow-up question out loud for 2 extra curiosity points.
Swap roles with each card. See your summary at the end.
Or switch to 36 questions: three sets that go gradually deeper. Take turns answering first, and pass on anything.

About the technique

Couples games turn getting to know each other into play. This page has two: a how well do you know your partner quiz, where one partner answers a question privately and the other guesses before both answers show, and the 36 questions to fall in love, three sets of questions from a 1997 study by Arthur Aron and colleagues that partners take turns answering (Aron et al., 1997). In that study, pairs of strangers who worked through the sets felt closer than pairs who made small talk; the questions have not been tested as couples therapy, and either partner can pass on any question.

Love maps are John Gottman’s term for the part of the mind where a person keeps knowledge of their partner’s world: their history, worries, hopes, current stresses and preferences. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, enhancing love maps is the first principle (Gottman & Silver, 1999). Partner-knowledge question games put the idea into practice by asking open questions about each other and rewarding curiosity rather than correct answers. This tool is independent and is not affiliated with or endorsed by The Gottman Institute.

The rationale is that partners who know each other’s inner world are better prepared for stress and change, and that the habit of asking keeps that knowledge current (Gottman & Silver, 1999). Gottman Method Couples Therapy, which includes love map work, improved marital adjustment and intimacy in a small randomized trial with 16 couples (Davoodvandi et al., 2018). Love map exercises on their own have not been tested, so the exercise is best treated as practice-based within a method that has early, limited trial support.

It suits couples in therapy or as homework between sessions, and it can lighten an early session while showing the therapist how partners respond to not knowing something about each other. Frame wrong guesses as information, not failure, and stop if guessing turns into scorekeeping or a painful knowledge gap needs more space. It is not for relationships with violence, coercive control or active high conflict, where disclosures could be used against a partner, so screen before assigning it.

For therapists: how to run it

Goal

Partners get curious about each other's inner world again and come away with one new thing to ask about.

In session

On video: press Play together and send the link to both partners. Each taps their seat (partner 1 or partner 2) on their own phone, so answers stay private until the reveal.
In the room: one shared screen works too. The tool asks the guesser to look away while their partner answers.
As therapist you watch the status, not the private answers. After each reveal, slow down the follow-up: "What's the story behind that?"
Frame misses warmly: "That's new information, not a failure."

As homework

Pick a calm 15 minutes. Open the link on one phone, or use Play together on two phones.
Play 4–6 cards, taking turns. Ask the follow-up question every time.
Tap See our summary, then Copy for my therapist and paste it into your therapist's secure messaging (client portal), or bring it to your next session. Nothing you type is saved, so copy before closing.

Good to know

A love map is the inner picture partners hold of each other's world: worries, hopes, friends, history. The idea is from John Gottman's work on couples (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999). The guess-and-reveal questions are original, not the Gottman Institute's card decks; the 36 questions are reworded from Aron et al. (1997). Getting it "wrong" is the point: every miss is something new to learn, and follow-up questions score the most. Not for couples in active high conflict or where there is violence or control, where private answers could be used against a partner.

Worksheets that pair with this tool

Sources & credibility

Method: Couples games: partner-knowledge guessing game and the 36 questions (Aron et al., 1997)
Developed by: John Gottman (with Nan Silver)
First described: 1999
Approach: Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Evidence: Practice-based (limited trials)Love maps are the first level of Gottman's Sound Relationship House. Gottman Method Couple Therapy has small trials showing gains in marital adjustment and intimacy, and a 2026 review rated its support as modest; love map exercises have not been tested on their own. The 36 questions come from Aron and colleagues (1997), who showed that pairs of strangers who took turns through the three sets felt closer than pairs making small talk; the procedure has not been tested as a couples therapy intervention. Independent tool; not affiliated with or endorsed by The Gottman Institute.

References

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown. (Rev. ed. 2015, Harmony.)
Davoodvandi, M., Navabi Nejad, S., & Farzad, V. (2018). Examining the effectiveness of Gottman couple therapy on improving marital adjustment and couples' intimacy. Iranian Journal of Psychiatry, 13(2), 135–141. (Small semi-experimental study, 16 couples randomly assigned.) Source
Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363–377. (The 36 questions; tested with pairs of strangers in a lab, not as couples therapy.) Source
Jackson, J. B., Codecá, L., Miller, R. B., Simpson, J. E., O'Leary, A. M., & Renner, S. M. (2026). Empirically supported couple therapy models for couple relationship distress: A replication and update. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 52(4), e70162. Source

How it was made

Built by the Mentalyc team from the original method and the published sources listed here. Nothing you enter is stored.

Questions people ask

What are good games for couples to play together?

Games that get partners talking about their own lives work best: guessing each other's answers, taking turns with open questions, or naming things you appreciate. This page has two: a guess-and-reveal game that rewards curiosity, and the 36 questions, three sets that go gradually deeper.

How do you play a how well do you know your partner game?

One partner answers a question about themself in private, the other guesses, and then both answers show. The answering partner says how close the guess was, and the guesser asks one follow-up question. Points go to curiosity, not to being right.

What is a how well do you know me quiz?

It is a couples game where one partner answers a question about themself and the other tries to guess the answer, such as a favorite memory or a current worry. Here the answer stays private until both are in, and points go to asking a follow-up question rather than to being right.

What are the 36 questions to fall in love?

They are 36 questions in three sets from a 1997 study by Arthur Aron and colleagues, in which pairs of strangers who took turns answering felt closer than pairs making small talk. The sets move from light questions to more personal ones. They have not been tested as couples therapy, and either partner can pass on any question.

Can couples games help in couples therapy?

Therapists use them to build curiosity and warmth before harder conflict work, and as homework between sessions. They do not replace therapy, and they are not advised where there is violence, threats or fear of a partner.

How well do you know your partner?

Most partners know less about each other's current worries, hopes and daily life than they think, because these change over time. The guess-and-reveal game here asks about exactly that and rewards a follow-up question over a right answer. The idea draws on John Gottman's work on partner knowledge; the questions are original, and the tool is not affiliated with The Gottman Institute.

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Your game designer

Michael Thompson, MSc

Michael's background combines doctoral training in clinical psychology with research on motivation, learning, and emotional regulation.

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Table Of Contents

About the technique
For therapists: how to run it
Worksheets that pair with this tool
Sources & credibility
Questions people ask

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