Tug-of-War with a Monster: A Creative Hopelessness Exercise from ACT

Hold to pull against the monster over a pit. The harder you pull, the harder it pulls. Drop the rope and your hands are free for what matters.

AdultsGroupsThoughts & skillsACTGames
3–5 minutesIn person and on video
Free interactive tool
Designed by Michael Thompson, MSc

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If the thoughts are about hurting yourself, don't just drop the rope on them – use your safety plan or contact a crisis line now.

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Dropping the rope is not giving up on change. Pair it with values work so acceptance leads to action.

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How to play

  1. Name the monster: a feeling you keep fighting (a feeling, not a person). If a person is hurting you, tell someone you trust.
  2. Hold the button to pull. Let go and it drags you to the edge.
  3. Notice: the harder you pull, the harder it pulls.
  4. Drop the rope. The monster stays, but the fight stops.
  5. Pick what your free hands could do.

About the technique

Tug-of-war with a monster is a classic metaphor from acceptance and commitment therapy, described by Steven Hayes, Kirk Strosahl and Kelly Wilson (Hayes et al., 2011). The client is pulling on a rope against a monster made of anxiety, painful memories or self-doubt, with a pit between them. The harder they pull, the harder the monster pulls back. Winning seems impossible, but there is another option: drop the rope. The monster is still there, but the client’s hands are free.

The metaphor is often used to introduce creative hopelessness, the recognition that the client’s efforts to control or get rid of difficult feelings have not worked and may be keeping them stuck. Dropping the rope stands for acceptance, making room for the feeling instead of struggling with it, which frees time and energy for what matters. It suits adults, teens, groups and older children, early in ACT work and whenever a client is caught in a fight with their own feelings. ACT as a whole outperformed waitlist, placebo and usual care in a meta-analysis of adult trials and did about as well as established treatments (A-Tjak et al., 2015). The metaphor itself has not been tested on its own.

It is low risk, but frame it with care. Dropping the rope is not giving up on change, and it applies to inner experiences, not to situations that can and should be changed, such as unsafe relationships. Follow it with values work so that acceptance leads to action. With younger children, let them name and draw their own monster.

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For therapists: how to run it

Goal

Feel that fighting a feeling makes it pull harder, and choose what your free hands will do instead.

In session

  1. On video: press Play together and send the link. The client pulls on their phone, and you hold the monster's side. Pull back a little harder every time they pull.
  2. In person: hand the client the tablet, or hold a real scarf between you while the screen shows the pit.
  3. When they get tired, ask: “Is there another way to end this game?” Let them find Drop the rope.
  4. After they drop it, ask: “Is the monster gone?” Then: “What could your free hands do this week?”

As homework

  1. Open the link when a feeling has you fighting it. Name the monster and pull for a while.
  2. Drop the rope, then pick what your free hands could do.
  3. Tap See what changed, then Copy for my therapist, and paste it into your therapist's secure messaging (client portal) or bring it to your next session. Nothing you type is saved, so copy before closing.

With a group

  1. Press Play together and share the link: everyone joins on their phone and pulls on the same side.
  2. As host you are the monster. However many pull, pull back harder.
  3. Ask the group to drop the rope together, then go round: what would your free hands do?
Mandated reporting

Exercises like this can lead to disclosures of abuse, neglect or risk. Know your reporting duties before you start, and pause if one comes up.

Good to know

Tug-of-war with a monster is an acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) metaphor for the struggle with painful feelings. Pulling harder only makes the monster pull harder; dropping the rope ends the fight. The monster does not leave, but your hands are free. On video, play it on two devices: the therapist holds the monster's side of the rope. With children, any activity can lead to a disclosure of abuse or neglect. Know your mandated-reporting duty before you start, and pause the activity if one comes up.

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Sources & credibility

Method
Tug-of-war with a monster (ACT acceptance metaphor)
Developed by
Steven C. Hayes, Kirk Strosahl and Kelly Wilson
First described
1999
Approach
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
Evidence
Practice-based (limited trials)A widely used ACT metaphor for creative hopelessness and acceptance. ACT has support from many controlled trials and meta-analyses, and in a lab study an acceptance rationale that combined a metaphor with experiential exercises raised tolerance of discomfort, while instructions alone did not; this metaphor has not been tested on its own.

References

  1. Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.; 1st ed. 1999). Guilford Press.
  2. A-Tjak, J. G. L., Davis, M. L., Morina, N., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A. J., & Emmelkamp, P. M. G. (2015). A meta-analysis of the efficacy of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinically relevant mental and physical health problems. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 84(1), 30–36. Source
  3. McMullen, J., Barnes-Holmes, D., Barnes-Holmes, Y., Stewart, I., Luciano, C., & Cochrane, A. (2008). Acceptance versus distraction: Brief instructions, metaphors and exercises in increasing tolerance for self-delivered electric shocks. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 46(1), 122–129. Source

How it was made

Built by the Mentalyc team from the original method and the published sources listed here. Nothing you enter is stored.

Questions people ask

What does drop the rope mean in ACT?

In the tug-of-war with a monster metaphor, you pull against anxiety or another struggle, and the harder you pull, the harder it pulls back. Dropping the rope means stopping the struggle, not winning it, so your energy goes to what matters.

What is creative hopelessness in ACT?

Creative hopelessness is the ACT step of noticing that the ways you have tried to control painful feelings have not worked in the long run. It is not about feeling hopeless; it opens the door to a different approach, such as acceptance.

Does dropping the rope make the monster go away?

Not necessarily. The monster may still be there, but you are no longer stuck fighting it, so your hands are free to move toward what you care about. That shift is the point of the exercise.

When should you use the tug-of-war metaphor in therapy?

Use it after the client has described how much effort they put into fighting anxiety or pain and how little it has worked. Dropping the rope does not make the monster leave; it frees their hands for values-based action, so present it gently to avoid sounding dismissive.

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Your game designer
Michael Thompson

Michael Thompson, MSc

Michael's background combines doctoral training in clinical psychology with research on motivation, learning, and emotional regulation.

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Table Of Contents
  1. About the technique
  2. For therapists: how to run it
  3. Worksheets that pair with this tool
  4. Sources & credibility
  5. Questions people ask
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